


three words

by feychella



Series: soft maplekeene [6]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Campaign: Graduation (The Adventure Zone), M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25860157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feychella/pseuds/feychella
Summary: Five times Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt almost said I love you.And the one time he did.
Relationships: Argo Keene & Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt, Argo Keene/Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt
Series: soft maplekeene [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959193
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69





	three words

**Author's Note:**

> *justin mcelroy voice* it's trash.

They’re sitting side-by-side, maps and books spiraling out around them, planning their next mission. Rather, Argo and the Firbolg's next mission. Fitz stares at his partner's lashes as they flit from side-to-side. He wasn’t allowed on the mission, but he wasn't about to miss out on spending valuable time with Argo.

“So...okay, the maps are drawn up. The Firbolg and I should be able to do this pretty fast. Typical beach mission, ye’ know?” Argo laughs and Fitzroy thinks he'd do anything to make him laugh again. "We'll be back before y-"

“Be safe.”

“You know me. I’m always safe.” 

“No, Argo, I’m serious.” If he lost Argo now...no, he wouldn’t recover, he wouldn’t know how to act. His chest tightens when the genasi leans in closer. The smell of salt and the beach rushes over Fitz and he shudders, feeling slightly sick. His hands clam up and he looks away. If he wasn't careful, his accent would slip through, and he didn't know how Argo would handle _that-_

“What’s up with you? Why do you care so much what I do?”

“Because I love you.” The words are barely audible and Argo leans in closer, navy brows furrowed. His hair falls loose around his shoulders.

“Pardon?”

Fitzroy crosses his arms, sitting back in his chair. The genasi sits back and scoffs, returning to his books. _I love you._ Argo doesn't look up and Fitzroy stares out the window. The rain pounds against the glass and he suddenly feels cold. He tucks his arms closer around himself, shivering in his sweater.

He says it to his friends all the time, of course, so why should this time be different? He knows exactly why. Because it’s _Argo,_ the one person that he can’t lie to, that he can’t put on a different personality around. Because saying _I love you_ to Argo could mean ruining their relationship beyond repair.

**\-------**

He remembers Argo sitting over him, warmth radiating off of his body. The tent was chilly and Fitzroy was cocooned in blankets. Argo had brought three more, and he gently wrapped Fitz in them. He remembers the feeling of Argo’s fingers brushing feather-light over where his brand was. His chest was completely marred, but his roommate didn’t seem to care or to notice. Fitz can still see those kind sea-green eyes, worry mirrored in them as he stared down. Argo had fallen forward on the bed, adjusting Fitzroy’s pillows, arms on either side of him.

The genasi’s lips were right above his own, and it had taken everything to not succumb to his impulses. When Argo sits back, satisfied, smiling at him, he almost says it. Fitzroy falls asleep with _I love you_ still on his tongue. Besides, if there was one thing that Clyde Nite's had taught him, it was that loving and caring for people would hurt him in the end. He decides that he'll wait for the absolute perfect time to tell Argo.

**\-------**

Lightning cracks outside and Fitz’s heart speeds up. He remembers sobbing that night after they returned to school, the drizzle washing the blood off of his boots. Little puddles mocked him as he stared into them, looking at his eyes, bright white, and his dark curls shot through with mother-of-pearl patterns. The henna on his hands glowed white, too, and everything was a reminder of Chaos’ control.

“Why are you still here?” He had screamed at Argo. 

“Because I love you! And...the Firbolg and I- we can’t _stand_ seeing you like this. Let us help you. What do you have to lose?”

 _Everything._ Argo's words echo around his head, Fitzroy takes a deep breath, and gives him up. Chaos would take Argo from him, he’d be powerless to stop it, he’d blame himself for caring too much. Thunder rumbles in the distance and Argo falls to his knees and reaches out towards Fitzroy. A timer starts in his head. He doesn't have forever. He has to say it now. If he spits it out now, maybe, just maybe, Chaos will let him have this. Maybe he'd have a chance.

Fitzroy pushes him away, purplish lightning sparking around his knuckles, and watches the Firbolg drag their roommate inside. Rainer said Argo had come back for him hours later, hauled him up the dorm stairs, and gotten him cleaned up. When he regained consciousness, he was sitting up on the top bunk, pillows around him, a canteen of soup lying next to him. He peered down to his roommate’s bunk and watches Argo’s chest rise and fall. _I love you,_ he thinks. The thought scares him and he tries to push his feelings away, stuffing them under his mattress, between the floorboards, hiding them in the ceiling lights. If he could ignore them for a little longer, maybe it would all blow over. Maybe he wouldn't have to be scared anymore if it all just _went away._

**\-------**

Fitz started slowly, at first. He learned to say _I love you_ to his friends when they left the coffee shop. He liked watching them giggle and smile at him. They always said it back to him. How was it so easy for them?

And...he fell in love with Argo, slowly at first.

He loved how he got all jittery around him, how Argo teased him in his little loving way, their inside jokes. Argo made him feel safe. He was addicted to the feeling.

Fitzroy didn’t want to go home for Candlenights. All he wanted was to spend time with Argo under the stars. Little lanterns line the path to the library and the door blows open. It was only the two of them, that night, and Argo had gotten them some hot chocolate from the campus coffee shop. Fitz had eaten the marshmallows out of Argo’s drink and they had studied together. Or, Argo studied and Fitzroy got distracted by the way the fluorescent lights made patterns on his blue skin, how the deep brown henna on Argo’s hands was already rubbing off, how he ran his hands through his hair when he got frustrated.

The words are on his lips, _I love you,_ if he could just say them, if his heart could stop pounding in his chest, maybe he could learn how to love again. He looks at the genasi’s eyes and swallows. Fitzroy left the library that night without saying it. _Coward._ He wasn't scared of the words anymore, he was scared of Argo's reaction. But everything was...sharper when Argo was around. Everything seemed more real - sounds, smells, _emotions._ Fitz lets his feelings rush over him - the world bursts into color - and his thoughts race into the storm clouds gathering above the school.

**\-------**

When he fell asleep, Chaos would whisk him away into a marble arena. He fought his mother, people he loved at home, all creations of Chaos. He knew they weren't real. But the panic attacks got worse when he woke up, hyperventilating or crying, throat closed up. That February night, he’d fought Argo, twisted and angry, blue lightning bursting from his palms. Argo had matched his every move and he had drawn away from his roommate, breathing hard as Chaos roared in anger.

He climbed down to Argo’s bunk and tapped his shoulder, hesitantly. _This won’t work._ It was worth a try. He couldn’t be alone tonight. 

“Can I sleep with you?”

_“What?”_

“Not like that, no-I-I meant like, I had a bad dream, and-”

Argo rubs his eyes and groans. He rolls over, patting the other half of the bed. Fitzroy crawls in next to him, keenly aware of how close their backs were. He hopes that tonight he won’t get too clingy. Eventually, he slips into a restless sleep. Chaos doesn’t come for him for the rest of the night. When he wakes up, Argo’s arms are around his waist. In the hazy morning sunlight, he forgets where he is. The curtains blow around the little succulent garden. The Firbolg must have opened it before going to class. Fitz shivers and draws the blankets up around him. Argo's hands shift over his stomach and Fitzroy buries his head in the pillows. He was comfortable around Argo - he made him feel safe, and god, Fitzroy needed that after what Chaos had shown him.

“Mornin’, Fitz. How’d ye’ sleep?” Argo slurs his words as he wakes up.

“I slept fine, actually, I wanted to tell you something.” He could say it. His heart speeds up as Argo props himself up over him. Fitz lies on his back and looks up at his roommate.

"Go on.”

"Uh...I…” _love you. I love you._ His head pounds and he pulls the blankets around him, suddenly cold and shaking. Argo tilts his head inquisitively. “Just wanted to say thank you. For everything. Um, you make me happy, and I really appreciate you.” _Say it._ Fitz's mouth almost forms the words, and he bites them back. It's not the perfect time.

“You make me happy, too. I’m glad I met you.” Argo tousles Fitz’s hair and he recoils, patting his curls back into place. He swings his legs off the bed and watches Argo leave the room, running a hand through his hair and staring out the window. One day he'd say it. One day he wouldn't be afraid. He flops back in the bed and lets himself drift off. _  
_

**\-------**

But then...Argo fell in love. Over and over, and over, and over, again. It broke Fitzroy's heart each time, but he pushed it aside because Argo was _happy._ He desperately wanted to be happy for him and yet...

Sorcerers.

Rogues.

Clerics.

It hurt every time he talked about them. Fitzroy gritted his teeth and let Argo talk his new suitors up, talk about how _wonderful_ they were. His eyes would sparkle - or perhaps that's just what people in love look like - and a pang of jealousy would rip Fitz's heart into pieces. He was rarely in their dorm room. He was out falling in love with other people. Fitz wishes he didn't care.

Fitzroy remembers the day he came stumbling back after a bad breakup. He had held him as he sobbed, heartbroken, on the top bunk. Fitz tucked the blankets around Argo and conjured up some warm tea to soothe his throat. He was _angry_ at Argo’s ex. Fitz’s fingers spark as he plays idly with the blanket. He wanted to hurt them, whoever they were. He gasps for breath, eyes filling with tears, as Argo's voice breaks. The other boy's words turn into helpless whimpers and Fitzroy holds him tighter, heart splintering into little pieces.

Love wasn't supposed to hurt this much, was it?

When Argo rests his head on his shoulder and starts to fall asleep, Fitzroy says it. Argo is well into a deep sleep, but Fitzroy murmurs the words over his navy waves. _I love you,_ he whispers to the mirror, to windows when he passes, in his head during class. He likes how the words sound, how they feel in his mouth, how they look on paper in his handwriting. _I love you._ He wants to protect Argo, he doesn't want him to hurt anymore. He kisses the top of Argo's hair, praying that he hadn't heard him, praying that maybe he did and he wouldn't have to say it all over again. Maybe there was no perfect time to say it, maybe he just had to spit it out and deal with the aftermath. They were only words, after all. He swallows them down and falls asleep in Argo's arms, chest heavy.

**\-------**

“I love you,” he says, accent breaking through, and this time he isn't afraid. “I love you, and I want you to be safe because….because you make me a better person. Because when I’m around you-”

“But I'm just m-”

“When I’m around you, I become the person I wanted to grow up to be! You make me soft, you make me feel safe, you make me more empathetic. An-And I _love_ those parts of me! You make me like who I've become! So don’t ask me _why I care_ \- I _care_ because I love you. I love you for everything you are. And-” 

Fitzroy stutters to a halt, face burning, and Argo grips his collar in his hands. Argo's calluses brush against his neck as the shorter boy pulls him down to his lips. Fitz kisses him back, and their colognes mix together, jasmine and...salt? The ocean? He can't tell, he tells himself he doesn't care, because he's gotten what he wants and everything would be okay. The kiss is soft and chaste, but under it, Fitz feels the stability that Argo brings to their relationship. Fitzroy is drowning on land; his breath is shaky, his body's weak _,_ flowers sprout around his feet. Little bubbles and the smell of cinnamon float through the library and he drops his head on Argo's shoulder before realizing that - _he's just being friendly, he doesn't like you like that -_ they're still tangled together. Argo’s gaze meets his own and Fitzroy is flying again, giddy like a child, heart pounding against his chest.

"I love you too.”

Argo reaches for Fitzroy’s hand and the two of them return to their maps and books. Fitz sneaks glances at Argo - the soft smile on his face, the warmth of their hands - and his heart races away. And when Argo packs his bags and starts out of the school on his next mission, the last thing they say to each other is _I love you._


End file.
